![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
( prax feels bad for doing this, he really does — but mei's sick and he doesn't want to leave her alone, but they're almost out of, well. anything edible. especially orange juice and eggs and he needs more eggs to make more pancakes for her because sick days mean pancakes.
mei's just fallen asleep, so he quickly makes the trip across the hall to his neighbour's door. his neighbour who is broad-shouldered and former military, who looks at the world like he's expecting it to harm him at every turn, like he's ready to hurt it back. he scares prax, a little, but beyond that, he's also really attracted to the man. it's not a helpful combination and he's sure nothing will ever come from it, but here he is.
knocking on amos burton's door. )
mei's just fallen asleep, so he quickly makes the trip across the hall to his neighbour's door. his neighbour who is broad-shouldered and former military, who looks at the world like he's expecting it to harm him at every turn, like he's ready to hurt it back. he scares prax, a little, but beyond that, he's also really attracted to the man. it's not a helpful combination and he's sure nothing will ever come from it, but here he is.
knocking on amos burton's door. )
[ Amos wasn't expecting any visitors. It's one of these days - honestly, most days are one of these days - where he's just a little off schedule and it's making him feel slightly unbalanced. And now, with this knock on the door...
He sighs, rubbing a towel over his face and head before looping it around his neck and walking over to the door, not caring much that he's wearing sweatpants and a tank top drenched in sweat; whoever it is deserves it for disrupting his workout. A quick look through the peephole tells him that it's his neighbor, and a wave of - relief? It might be relief, floods through Amos.
Okay. He can do this. And so he opens the door, leaning against the door frame, trying his best to look as nonchalant as he doesn't feel. ]
Hi, Doc. Everything okay?
He sighs, rubbing a towel over his face and head before looping it around his neck and walking over to the door, not caring much that he's wearing sweatpants and a tank top drenched in sweat; whoever it is deserves it for disrupting his workout. A quick look through the peephole tells him that it's his neighbor, and a wave of - relief? It might be relief, floods through Amos.
Okay. He can do this. And so he opens the door, leaning against the door frame, trying his best to look as nonchalant as he doesn't feel. ]
Hi, Doc. Everything okay?
( he puts mei to bed and gives her the teddy bear he's been carrying around since ganymede. he watches her sleep for minutes and he thinks he could have watched her sleep for hours. he goes to help amos with the other kids instead and it isn't until they're all asleep in various bunks that he lets himself consider the enormity of everything that happened.
he's got mei back. that's the most important thing. he's got mei back. but he can't pretend that it's the only thing that matters. the hybrids that were launched. mars, earth, the war. the belt. amos. almost shooting strickland and amos actually shooting strickland.
you're not that guy.
he finds himself in front of amos' bunk and then inside the room, in front of amos, reaching for amos, hands fisting in the material of amos' jumpsuit. he doesn't remember walking here, but here he is. quietly coming apart. shaking.
it's joy and it's adrenaline and it's fear and horror. it's all too much. )
he's got mei back. that's the most important thing. he's got mei back. but he can't pretend that it's the only thing that matters. the hybrids that were launched. mars, earth, the war. the belt. amos. almost shooting strickland and amos actually shooting strickland.
you're not that guy.
he finds himself in front of amos' bunk and then inside the room, in front of amos, reaching for amos, hands fisting in the material of amos' jumpsuit. he doesn't remember walking here, but here he is. quietly coming apart. shaking.
it's joy and it's adrenaline and it's fear and horror. it's all too much. )
[ Amos takes care of the kids because it's what he feels he should be doing. The others are busy, and these kids need to eat, need to be put to bed, need to be told they're okay. He'd tell them they're on their way back to their families, if he believed they actually were, or even had some left. Not all of them were as lucky as Mei.
So he does it, and doesn't even think about it. He accepts Prax's help, too, lets him tuck kids in like it's his job. He doesn't think about that, either. If he's thinking of anything, it's how relieved he is that Prax didn't have to do the hard thing. Could just be a botanist, a father, a good man. Everything Amos isn't.
He's lying in bed when Prax walks in, grabs him by the front of his jumpsuit, pulls him up to sit. Amos follows easily, a hand curling over Prax's back. ]
Are you okay?
So he does it, and doesn't even think about it. He accepts Prax's help, too, lets him tuck kids in like it's his job. He doesn't think about that, either. If he's thinking of anything, it's how relieved he is that Prax didn't have to do the hard thing. Could just be a botanist, a father, a good man. Everything Amos isn't.
He's lying in bed when Prax walks in, grabs him by the front of his jumpsuit, pulls him up to sit. Amos follows easily, a hand curling over Prax's back. ]
Are you okay?
( are you okay?
prax shakes his head. then he nods. smiles. shakes his head again and closes his eyes and drops his head forward, almost far enough down that it rests against amos' shoulder. )
I don't know.
( he doesn't know anything, right now, but amos' presence feels steadying as always. )
I would've shot him.
prax shakes his head. then he nods. smiles. shakes his head again and closes his eyes and drops his head forward, almost far enough down that it rests against amos' shoulder. )
I don't know.
( he doesn't know anything, right now, but amos' presence feels steadying as always. )
I would've shot him.
[ Amos dry-swallows, his hand opening, flat on Prax's back. He breathes through his nose for a moment, trying to think of what to say. Prax isn't that guy, he isn't, but Amos believes he would have done it. ]
I know.
[ He does. But that's not what matters. ]
But you didn't. You don't need that blood on your hands.
I know.
[ He does. But that's not what matters. ]
But you didn't. You don't need that blood on your hands.
( amos' hand flattens out on his back and prax tips forward further, forehead hitting amos' shoulder. it's an awkward position, him folded in half before amos, mostly standing, leaning against the bed frame, holding on. he doesn't even notice. )
Thank you.
( he's not sure what he means. for stopping him? or for shooting strickland in his stead? amos shouldn't have to do that for him, but prax can't help but be impossibly and selfishly glad that he did. )
Thank you.
( he's not sure what he means. for stopping him? or for shooting strickland in his stead? amos shouldn't have to do that for him, but prax can't help but be impossibly and selfishly glad that he did. )
Don't.
[ It's sincere, and a little biting. Amos did it, he shot Strickland without a single moment of hesitation or remorse, and he would do it, over again, for any of the crew and for Prax in particular. He is a killer, and he won't keep him up at night, but he doesn't want to be thanked for it. ]
You needed to stay clean, for Mei. She needs you to be. I've already got stains all over.
[ It's sincere, and a little biting. Amos did it, he shot Strickland without a single moment of hesitation or remorse, and he would do it, over again, for any of the crew and for Prax in particular. He is a killer, and he won't keep him up at night, but he doesn't want to be thanked for it. ]
You needed to stay clean, for Mei. She needs you to be. I've already got stains all over.
( amos might have stains all over already, but prax also knows that he'd be dead so many times over without amos, that he wouldn't have stayed as sane as he has without amos, that he might have lost faith if not for amos.
he owes amos so much and amos doesn't even realise it.
against amos' shoulder, he shakes his head before pressing it closer. )
You don't understand— you've done so much. ( you're so much more, he means. so much more than only a killer. so much more than stained. )
he owes amos so much and amos doesn't even realise it.
against amos' shoulder, he shakes his head before pressing it closer. )
You don't understand— you've done so much. ( you're so much more, he means. so much more than only a killer. so much more than stained. )
[ Amos's hand moves up, to Prax's shoulderblade. He knows he's helped Prax stay alive, but he doesn't think he's done that much. ]
Nothing you wouldn't have done yourself.
[ And he entirely believes that, too. ]
Doesn't matter now, anyway. It's done. You've got your little girl back.
Nothing you wouldn't have done yourself.
[ And he entirely believes that, too. ]
Doesn't matter now, anyway. It's done. You've got your little girl back.
Holden's the one who found out about Io.
[ Amos would have done anything to get Prax and Mei back together, but he still doesn't think it was thanks to him. He didn't do anything besides make sure Prax stayed alive and could still take care of her.
His hand moves further up, until it's curled around the back of Prax's head. ]
I'm glad, though. I'm glad we got her back. That we got to help you. It was the right thing to do.
[ Amos would have done anything to get Prax and Mei back together, but he still doesn't think it was thanks to him. He didn't do anything besides make sure Prax stayed alive and could still take care of her.
His hand moves further up, until it's curled around the back of Prax's head. ]
I'm glad, though. I'm glad we got her back. That we got to help you. It was the right thing to do.
( a noise escapes prax, unasked. somewhere between laughter and a groan, something softer, surprise. he thinks about letting himself fall forward, knowing amos would catch him. would hold him up.
he can't keep asking amos to do that. )
Yeah, he did. But without you —
( he can't bring himself to say i would have given up or i wouldn't have made it. )
he can't keep asking amos to do that. )
Yeah, he did. But without you —
( he can't bring himself to say i would have given up or i wouldn't have made it. )
Hey.
[ Amos pulls Prax's head up to allow them to look at each other, his own eyes serious, intent. ]
Hey. It's done. There's no point in dwelling about what would have happened under different circumstances.
[ He's never been one to do that. He's never been for what if's and branching scenarios. He made a choice, stuck to it, and didn't regret things - apart from Lydia. ]
You won.
[ Amos pulls Prax's head up to allow them to look at each other, his own eyes serious, intent. ]
Hey. It's done. There's no point in dwelling about what would have happened under different circumstances.
[ He's never been one to do that. He's never been for what if's and branching scenarios. He made a choice, stuck to it, and didn't regret things - apart from Lydia. ]
You won.
( there are things prax doesn't need to overthink or question. anything plant related, he'll know what he's doing and he knows that his choices will make sense, that he's doing the right thing.
ever since ganymede's destruction, he hasn't had that certainty. he's been afloat with nothing to tether him but amos' strength. he shakes his head, lips pressing together for a moment before he repeats, with more emphasis and despite amos' earlier protest: )
Thank you, Amos.
ever since ganymede's destruction, he hasn't had that certainty. he's been afloat with nothing to tether him but amos' strength. he shakes his head, lips pressing together for a moment before he repeats, with more emphasis and despite amos' earlier protest: )
Thank you, Amos.
( prax doesn't know what he wanted, what he came here for. he doesn't remember making the conscious choice to seek amos out; it just happened.
he does know that he misses the warmth of amos' hand at the back of his head almost immediately. )
Is this—
Are you okay?
he does know that he misses the warmth of amos' hand at the back of his head almost immediately. )
Is this—
Are you okay?
( prax doesn't expect amos to look the way he does. he has to swallow and clear his throat before he can answer, keeping his eyes firmly on amos' face rather than checking out those arms or what he can see of amos' chest. he catches the flash of a tattoo or several and doesn't look further. that's not what this is about. that's not what this is ever about. )
Yeah. I mean, mostly. Mei's sick. She'll be all right, it's nothing major, but I don't really want to leave her alone for more than a minute and I'm out of groceries.
( breathe, meng. )
I guess I was wondering if you were going to go to the store any time soon and if you'd mind getting some stuff but — you're busy. I'm sorry.
Yeah. I mean, mostly. Mei's sick. She'll be all right, it's nothing major, but I don't really want to leave her alone for more than a minute and I'm out of groceries.
( breathe, meng. )
I guess I was wondering if you were going to go to the store any time soon and if you'd mind getting some stuff but — you're busy. I'm sorry.
[ Amos nods, a little smile on his face. He did what he set out to do, and he kept the Doc from getting himself haunted for the rest of his life with the memory of killing a man. Sure, he'll still have nightmares, but not because he what he did. ]
Yeah. I know what I am, Doc, and I know I can use that to help.
[ He pauses, then starts again. ]
I don't care about a lot of people, but I do about you.
Yeah. I know what I am, Doc, and I know I can use that to help.
[ He pauses, then starts again. ]
I don't care about a lot of people, but I do about you.
Page 1 of 4