[ Amos frowns deeply, but nods, turning around to the console and starting to play the video. He had to fast forward it a few times, his hands trembling as he does.
He doesn't want to be freaked out by anything's that happening on Reverie. But this? This is something else entirely. He fast forwards through it, and than backtracks, and then watches it again, his stomach churning with the desire to revisit his breakfast.
[ Alex watches him, grim as hell, trying not to look at the spot on the floor that's still stained from where he lay. When Amos finally finishes and turns back to him, he lets out a hard breath. ]
Amos - I'm dead. That ain't - I didn't think I could survive it, and that's because I didn't. I checked. I was out seven god damn hours Amos, and I didn't breathe once, and you saw how bad it --
[ He was starting to panic again, he could feel it, his heart rate spiking abruptly, the sick feeling curling in his stomach, itching at his throat. ]
[ Amos clenches his jaw. In recent weeks, he's discovered that being dead doesn't even mean anything, or it might not. Just by meeting Clara, he's realized that there's a whole lot that he still doesn't understand and that is entirely possible.
Still, he walks over to Alex, putting his fingers to his neck, finding his pulse. ]
You're alive. You're alive, you're beating, you're kicking. You're here. But that - that sure did happen. Fuck, fuck.
[ He grabs Amos' wrist automatically, but not to stop him from checking his pulse. More to just reassure himself that Amos was there and whole. To ground himself. ]
But I shouldn't be. You saw it. I just - I filled out like someone blowin' up a damn balloon. That shouldn't be possible. So what the hell is it? Am I - Hell, am I infected with something, or - or am I some sort of --
[ He cut off, trying to swallow down the bile that threatened to rise. ]
That's not what it does. [ Of course he's talking about the protomolecule - that's the only extra solar lifeform he's ever known, and he's pretty sure that's what Alex is thinking of. ] You're not - you're alive, you're you.
[ Amos pauses, only pulling his hand away after a long while. ]
Maybe you should talk to Clara. She's like - she might understand.
[ Yeah. Yeah, it's what he's thinking of. How can he not?
He just keeps picturing Julie's room in the Blue Falcon and wanting to throw up again. ]
How the hell do we know? It works different every damn time. [ He feels sick, he feels sick and he's wavering a little, even with Amos' fingers still pressed into his throat. When the man pulls back, Alex lets his own hand drop.
He gives Amos a worried glance. ]
You think I might be - [ He can't find a word for what Clara is. He tries again. ] You think my blood would do the same thing?
You're definitely not like her. She doesn't have a pulse. It's like... she's in stasis, almost. Something like that.
[ It's not exactly the right time to tell Alex how he knows. But he knows. ]
We can check if you want, man. But I think your blood's running through your veins. I think you're entirely alive. I don't know what happened, but right now? Right now, this is you.
[ The relief washes through him, leaving him tired in its wake. It should bother him, that Amos's assurance makes him feel better. But it doesn't. He knows he can trust Amos, with this. Knows that unlike Naomi, or Prax, or probably even Bobbie - he won't hesitate. ]
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He doesn't want to be freaked out by anything's that happening on Reverie. But this? This is something else entirely. He fast forwards through it, and than backtracks, and then watches it again, his stomach churning with the desire to revisit his breakfast.
He stops, turns it off, turns back to Alex. ]
Shit.
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Amos - I'm dead. That ain't - I didn't think I could survive it, and that's because I didn't. I checked. I was out seven god damn hours Amos, and I didn't breathe once, and you saw how bad it --
[ He was starting to panic again, he could feel it, his heart rate spiking abruptly, the sick feeling curling in his stomach, itching at his throat. ]
I ain't crazy - it fucking happened, Amos--
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Still, he walks over to Alex, putting his fingers to his neck, finding his pulse. ]
You're alive. You're alive, you're beating, you're kicking. You're here. But that - that sure did happen. Fuck, fuck.
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But I shouldn't be. You saw it. I just - I filled out like someone blowin' up a damn balloon. That shouldn't be possible. So what the hell is it? Am I - Hell, am I infected with something, or - or am I some sort of --
[ He cut off, trying to swallow down the bile that threatened to rise. ]
What the hell happened to me?
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That's not what it does. [ Of course he's talking about the protomolecule - that's the only extra solar lifeform he's ever known, and he's pretty sure that's what Alex is thinking of. ] You're not - you're alive, you're you.
[ Amos pauses, only pulling his hand away after a long while. ]
Maybe you should talk to Clara. She's like - she might understand.
no subject
He just keeps picturing Julie's room in the Blue Falcon and wanting to throw up again. ]
How the hell do we know? It works different every damn time. [ He feels sick, he feels sick and he's wavering a little, even with Amos' fingers still pressed into his throat. When the man pulls back, Alex lets his own hand drop.
He gives Amos a worried glance. ]
You think I might be - [ He can't find a word for what Clara is. He tries again. ] You think my blood would do the same thing?
no subject
You're definitely not like her. She doesn't have a pulse. It's like... she's in stasis, almost. Something like that.
[ It's not exactly the right time to tell Alex how he knows. But he knows. ]
We can check if you want, man. But I think your blood's running through your veins. I think you're entirely alive. I don't know what happened, but right now? Right now, this is you.
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I'll - I'll talk to 'er.
[ He swallows, nodding, not so much because he fully believes what Amos is saying so much as that he needs to believe it. ]
I feel like me.
[ He took a breath, then met Amos' eye and held his gaze, firmly. ]
But I need you to promise me somethin'.
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Yeah. Yeah, if you turn into something... else - I'll take care of it.
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Before I - Before anyone else gets hurt, alright?
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Yeah. Before anyone else gets hurt.
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[ And however morbid it may be - he really is. ]