[ He raised his hand, the dark gunmetal ring that usually sat there - even here on Reverie, as his only personal possession that had come with him - was gone. ]
Only one way that was ever gonna go, Amos. [ It was why it'd taken him so long to reach out. If he'd done it earlier, maybe Talissa would have played along a little while longer, but. There was a reason bed thought it would be better, for him to be dead. To have died a hero.
You don't speak ill of the dead.
He lowered his hand again, trying to keep from fidgeting with something that isn't there.
The depth in Amos' gaze wrenched in his chest and he felt immensely guilty, suddenly, for thinking even for a second that the man didn't care about him. ]
I ain't got a death wish, Amos. If I'm in trouble - real trouble - I'll let you know. If I can't handle it, I'll tell you. [ But that wasn't quite enough and he shifted his weight, fidgeting. ]
And I'll do the opposite, too. I won't let you get surprised, again. I shouldn't've in the first place. But if you've got all the info, you don't have to worry as much about making that call, right? If I tell you when I'm alright, then it'll be easier to know when I'm not.
[ He's not sorry about what he did the other day, but he's sorry for Alex's marriage falling apart. Alex had always put so much importance on it, talking it up, carrying that picture around everywhere, wearing his ring even as he fucked prostitutes. Amos thinks he probably needs to hear something like this - some kind of sympathy.
[ He didn't know what he wanted. Sympathy, or to just - never talk about it again. The ring was heavy in his breast pocket, and he did not reach for it.
Amos speaks again and Alex looks almost surprised, because he wanted Amos to trust him - always had - but had assumed that he didn't. Something sharp twisted in his chest.
He reached out, fingertips of his good hand coming to rest lightly on Amos's arm. ]
I'll do better. [ Murmured and low. ] At keepin' it.
[ Amos wasn't entirely sure they were good. He was feeling slightly unsettled - unsure of what his place was, exactly. Of when it was okay to defend Alex, and when it wasn't. It was a balance he didn't know.
But it also wasn't like he was still angry. His anger had dissipated just hours after it had happened, and Amos wasn't exactly a guy to hold grudges. So he nods, looking at Alex again. ]
[ He sounded relieved. He knew it wasn't fixed, exactly - things never quite fixed themselves so much as just grew into something else, but at least they were talking again. He hated not talking to Amos, even when he was mad. Especially here. He liked Bobbie a lot, and Prax was important, but Amos and Naomi had been through everything with him. Holden was gone, but he still had the two of them, and he needed them.
He was pretty sure they all needed each other.
So he'd make it work. Somehow. Keep the family together, whether Amos thought they were a family or not. It didn't really matter what Amos said about it - it was clear, now, that he was trying to make it work, too. To keep it working. Even if Alex sometimes didn't have a clue what it was that he was tryin' to do, he was still tryin'. ]
You know I love you, brother. [ Said like a statement of fact, and not one he expected to hear echoed, or even one he thought would be. Just the truth, with no expectation. He knew better than that. ]
[ Amos couldn't help the way his whole body sagged forward a little bit, like relief, or something close, hitting him straight in the chest. They both knew he wouldn't say the words back, even if he did believe in them, but hearing Alex say them still felt... good, somehow. Like they could get back to normal, at some point. Their own new normal.
Still, instead, he rolls his eyes and pushes at Alex's side. ]
[ It was an acknowledgement and not a denial, and that was enough to pull a relieved grin to his lips. Amos wouldn't hesitate to tell him if he thought he was lying or was wrong, after all. So the tease was an acceptance, and that was all Alex really wanted anyway. So he grins, and takes it as a dismissal on good terms, sliding his good hand into his pocket as he takes a step back. ]
If that's how they're flirtin' with you, Amos, you're already in too deep.
[ He took a step back and hit the door controls. ]
But maybe I'll do that. [ He wouldn't. At least not intentionally. He gave Amos a two fingered salute, then stepped back through the door and let it slide closed as he walked away. ]
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Only one way that was ever gonna go, Amos. [ It was why it'd taken him so long to reach out. If he'd done it earlier, maybe Talissa would have played along a little while longer, but. There was a reason bed thought it would be better, for him to be dead. To have died a hero.
You don't speak ill of the dead.
He lowered his hand again, trying to keep from fidgeting with something that isn't there.
The depth in Amos' gaze wrenched in his chest and he felt immensely guilty, suddenly, for thinking even for a second that the man didn't care about him. ]
I ain't got a death wish, Amos. If I'm in trouble - real trouble - I'll let you know. If I can't handle it, I'll tell you. [ But that wasn't quite enough and he shifted his weight, fidgeting. ]
And I'll do the opposite, too. I won't let you get surprised, again. I shouldn't've in the first place. But if you've got all the info, you don't have to worry as much about making that call, right? If I tell you when I'm alright, then it'll be easier to know when I'm not.
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[ He's not sorry about what he did the other day, but he's sorry for Alex's marriage falling apart. Alex had always put so much importance on it, talking it up, carrying that picture around everywhere, wearing his ring even as he fucked prostitutes. Amos thinks he probably needs to hear something like this - some kind of sympathy.
Amos takes a breath. ]
I trust you, you know?
[ That's why it hurt. ]
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Amos speaks again and Alex looks almost surprised, because he wanted Amos to trust him - always had - but had assumed that he didn't. Something sharp twisted in his chest.
He reached out, fingertips of his good hand coming to rest lightly on Amos's arm. ]
I'll do better. [ Murmured and low. ] At keepin' it.
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Sorry I punched out your wall.
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Eh, not like the wall got hurt.
[ It had spooked him a little, sure - but it was a thousand steps up from being dangled over a stairwell. And Alex could see the difference. ]
We good?
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But it also wasn't like he was still angry. His anger had dissipated just hours after it had happened, and Amos wasn't exactly a guy to hold grudges. So he nods, looking at Alex again. ]
We're good.
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[ He sounded relieved. He knew it wasn't fixed, exactly - things never quite fixed themselves so much as just grew into something else, but at least they were talking again. He hated not talking to Amos, even when he was mad. Especially here. He liked Bobbie a lot, and Prax was important, but Amos and Naomi had been through everything with him. Holden was gone, but he still had the two of them, and he needed them.
He was pretty sure they all needed each other.
So he'd make it work. Somehow. Keep the family together, whether Amos thought they were a family or not. It didn't really matter what Amos said about it - it was clear, now, that he was trying to make it work, too. To keep it working. Even if Alex sometimes didn't have a clue what it was that he was tryin' to do, he was still tryin'. ]
You know I love you, brother. [ Said like a statement of fact, and not one he expected to hear echoed, or even one he thought would be. Just the truth, with no expectation. He knew better than that. ]
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Still, instead, he rolls his eyes and pushes at Alex's side. ]
Go flirt with someone else, sailor.
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If that's how they're flirtin' with you, Amos, you're already in too deep.
[ He took a step back and hit the door controls. ]
But maybe I'll do that. [ He wouldn't. At least not intentionally. He gave Amos a two fingered salute, then stepped back through the door and let it slide closed as he walked away. ]